Breaking Free
by BooksandBubblegum
Summary: Obsession can push even the strongest person to madness. What happens when the person who saved your life can't even meet your eyes? Or rather..what is happening? HG/SS
1. Nightmares

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**_Sorry guys for the format I had it double spaced in my document but it kinda smushed it all together on ff... I suggest making the screen smaller (you know the little two box button thingy?) it is much easier reading it that way. I'm also really sorry about the dialogue if you highlight sections that you are reading with you cursor it helps a bit..._**

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Chapter One: Nightmares

No one ever told you what part of battle would give you nightmares. You always assume it's the ghosts that are going to haunt you. People you killed and people you couldn't save. But it isn't as simple as that. When you hear of great battles won and lost, you think of the leaders that lead them. The generals, the captains, and the ideas that started it all; but really they are just a sideline when you are about to die. Sometimes I wake up screaming, wondering if I'll ever win that battle or if I will keep reliving it every night of my life.

Two hours into it and the fighting was unorganized and frenzied. Everywhere you looked there were Death Eaters, and not a single Order member to be seen. Running by the dead you barely had time to notice lost friends and dying loved ones. Screams saturated the air, leaving nothing else to be heard.

Hermione knew her luck was too good, she wasn't injured and she hadn't had a duel. She felt something bad coming her way; reserving her fate to itself and no other. The longer she fought with no conflict, the more panicked she became. No longer was the field drawn up into Voldemort's side and Dumbledore's but now a mishmash of fights between groups. Hermione discovered herself in a pocket of Death Eaters surrounding her menacingly. In a flash of movement, the circle was broken by another fight. Sprinting towards Hermione was Professor Snape, who was running from another group of Death Eaters. When he reached her he whirled around, standing with his back to her back. Hermione knew that now there were even more to fight, but she felt as if it didn't matter. She had an ally and that meant she wasn't alone. Without hesitation or delay she fired off a series of hexes while Snape did the same. Dodging and weaving they fought off the mob killing many and injuring quite a few, Hermione and Professor Snape broke free.

For the rest of the battle they fought together. Learning how the other fought, they adjusting their own fighting patterns to suit the other. Too many times to count, they saved each other's lives. At the end of the battle, they made their way back to base. With the moon shining behind them and the stench of death surrounding them, they journeyed, stepping over dead bodies strewn about in their path. Sore and desperate for rest, Hermione and Snape walked side by side in silence, deep in thought. After a while Hermione stopped. Snape turned around and waited for her, watching her watching him.

"Are you tired?" he asked, his voice the sole sound in the field

"No" Hermione said "I only wanted to say…before we got back…thank you. I would have died if you hadn't come"

Snape walked closer to her, looking down into her eyes he said

"I would never let you die."

After a silence filled with many meanings (for both parties) Hermione spoke again

"Do you really think it's over?"

"Nothing is ever truly 'over'… But we can only hope that Voldemort fell"

She nodded and looked into the sky, wondering if it would be red over this field in days to come. She wondered if there would be any physical marker as to what took place here. Amid her musings Hermione realized if she didn't start walking again she would fall asleep where she stood. She stepped forward once, then again, then again, Professor Snape, in turn, shortening his strides to keep with her. Several times she slipped in her journey and he picked her up. Near one in the morning they reached the Order's base. People were laughing and dancing, rejoicing in the Order's victory. Hermione and Snape walked into Dumbledore's tent.

That night Voldemort had been defeated. And Harry was the one who did it. Hermione didn't feel relieved or overjoyed, she was just tired. As she left the tent she looked back. Already Dumbledore and Professor Snape were immersed in conversation. This made her heart hurt, why she didn't quite know. As she lay awake that night unable to sleep despite her weariness, she cried. She had no 'romantic feelings' for him, her breath didn't catch when she thought of him yet she felt as if they had been closer than imaginable. It made her want to scream, the knowledge that they would never be any thing other than acquaintances again.

In another tent a man lied awake wondering why he cared about a woman's thoughts towards him.

* * *

A Few Months Later

Hermione was ignoring the Order's meeting entirely. And everyone knew it. Curled up in her chair Hermione was playing with her fingers absentmindedly. She was trying to figure out where Professor Snape could be now.

After Voldemort had been killed the remaining Death Eaters had scattered. When they realized that they would be shown no mercy if caught, the Death Eaters began reaping havoc. Since Snape knew most of the Death Eater's safe houses and favorite meeting places, he became a valuable tool to the Order once again. On all top priority man hunts he was taken along. Top Priority meant danger; which was obviously not good since Snape was a top target for Death Eaters.

While the meeting discussed rebuilding communities and hunting down fugitives, Hermione was obsessing over Professor Snape. After the battle Snape had hardly spoken two words together in her presence; whenever they were alone together, he exited the room. And when getting into squads for missions, Snape would make sure not to be anywhere near Hermione.

'_Maybe I'm just paranoid. Maybe he always was like this towards me and I just didn't care enough to notice._ _I feel so foolish. I don't even understand why I want to be with him, it just doesn't make any sense! I mean nothing happened…other than him saving my life…maybe this is some 'shining knight syndrome' thing…I don't know any more. These days I feel like such an idiot! Like my brain just got up and left, I mean obsessing over a man for no reason?! That doesn't sound like me at all! At least the real me that is… Sometimes I just want to throw a fit! I can't talk to anyone about it either it's too weird. God know if I even say 'Snape' Ron will start in on slimy git jokes and Harry will start going on and on about Snape being in love with his dead mum. Oh yes and let's talk to Professor McGonagall about it!_

"_Professor?"_

"_Yes Hermione?"_

"_I'm obsessed with Professor Snape and I don't know why…is that odd?"_

"…"

"_Is it?"_

"_I'm sure it's perfectly normal. Have you been having many nightmares dear girl? So young and so haunted…"_

_Yeah that would go GREAT!! Everyone is convinced I'm bonkers and I'm not even convinced they're wrong. Yes I haven't had an exactly normal childhood trying to kill a dark lord for most of it, but I think I'm doing pretty well in general. I'm not into hard drugs…I'm not sleeping with everything that breathes *coughcoughRONcoughcough*…I'm not suicidal…I'm not homicidal…I'm just obsessed with a man with a good decade or so on me…at least I'm not stalking him (yet). Sometimes I wish I could just-**'**_

"Isn't that **right **Hermione?" said Professor McGonagall

HUH?

"I'm sorry what?" mumbled Hermione

"Don't you want to be a Healer?" McGonagall asked

"Yes…I do…"

"Well it's settled Hermione will go back to school along with the rest of her class." Interjected Dumbledore "You may leave the meeting Hermione, that is all we needed you here for."

"Thank you sir."

Hermione crawled out of her chair, her limbs almost asleep. She left the kitchen quietly and swiftly made her way to the library. She knew she probably wouldn't be able to read considering what she just learned. _'Potions and Charms are a major part of being a healer' _That meant Hermione would be in a classroom with Professor Snape again after two years.

In the last year of her schooling Hogwarts had been shut down due to all the teachers out, fighting Voldemort. While students were allowed to stay, the schooling aspect of Hogwarts had been suspended. So now in order to go onto becoming a Healer, Hermione would be going back to Hogwarts. If Professor Snape was teaching Potions…she would probably see him every day.

Hermione walked to the couch in front of the fire, deep in thought. She sat down and scrubbed her face with her hands. She sat there for a while like this until something caught her attention in her peripheral view and she looked up. There was Snape sitting to the right of her. He was looking at her as though searching for something, his arms crossed and a book across his lap. He looked different. Instead of his usual frock coat he wore an oxford shirt rolled at the sleeves and black slacks. On his arms and throat was a crisscrossing of white scars obvious in the fire light. All of a sudden Hermione felt very self conscious. Here, next to her, was the object of her obsession these past months. He looked healthy and well groomed while she hadn't been able to sleep well since the battle and hadn't bothered to brush her hair that morning. He made no move to leave so Hermione gave into her urge to speak to him.

"Professor…" Hermione said timidly

"I figured you wanted something, I doubt Gryffindors know what silence is." He said in a dry tone of voice

Hermione didn't know what to say. She thought that it would be different…but it seems she was wrong. Hermione broke eye contact with Snape and went to pick out a book.

"Well?" he said impatiently as he sat reading his book

Hermione turned back at him. Was he inviting a conversation?

"I was wondering why you were here, instead of in the meeting…"

"I needed a vacation. It's nothing I haven't heard before." He responded impatiently

"So you know I'm coming back to school?" replied Hermione

"No…I didn't. When was this determined?" Snape responded without looking up from his book

Hermione tried not to smile but Snape seemed to sense it and he narrowed his eyes in response.

"In the meeting."

"And what are you studying to become? An Auror? A Professor? What?" he inquired in a bored tone of voice

_Why did he care? Snape wasn't one for unnecessary small talk…either he was trying to figure out something or he was making an effort to be sociable…… _

"A Healer…"

In response Snape laughed dryly and replied

"To compensate for all the people you killed."

_What an ass._

"No, to help people who need helping." replied Hermione in a matter-of-fact tone of voice

"How noble of you" Professor Snape said derisively

"It's not my intent to be noble" responded Hermione in a chilled voice

"No it wouldn't be, would it?" he said apparently exasperated by the conversation

Hermione returned to looking for a book. She couldn't concentrate with him so close to her. She wanted so desperately to tell him all about her obsession, just to blurt it out. Maybe then she would get some relief. But she couldn't do that, he would never let her forget so to stop herself she bit her tongue. Enough time passed without a sound that Hermione began to wonder if Snape left. Too afraid to turn around, she finally put her mind to finding a good book. Eventually she settled on _A Study in Water Dragons: One Wizard, One Herd, One Year_.

Hermione had reached Chapter 2 in her book before she heard Snape speak again.

"Do you have a lot of nightmares?"

_How did he know? He is reading my mind isn't he?!! __AREN'T YOU PROFESSOR__? LA LA LA LA LA LA LA! Can't hear my thoughts if I'm NOT THINKING! _

"How…?"

"You have bags under your eyes." He said with a flick of his hand as if it was of no consequence how he knew anything

_Thanks a lot. I hadn't noticed. I mean two bright purple bags under my eyes for months? Noooo…I had NO IDEA. Thank you Professor for letting me know! You're a great pal!_

"I know…" _what does he want?_

"What are they about?" he said getting more and more annoyed with the conversation

"What about?" she said

"The nightmares" Snape intoned looking up into her eyes as if to say 'you're so stupid'

_Oh nothing just me being obsessed with finding you...you know, me being without you… alone, vulnerable and lost._

"They're about The Last Battle"

"Of course they're about 'The Last Battle', but what aspect of the battle? Being in pain, being tired, being out of control, what?" he asked looking carefully into her eyes waiting for a response.

_Why does he want to know…is this answer going open a window to my psyche or something?_

"It's of…being alone…being unsure and alone…" stuttered Hermione unsure what this conversation was really about.

"And frightened." Interjected Snape

'And frightened." She agreed

Hermione wanted to say something but didn't quite know what to say. Eventually she said

"Do you have nightmares?"

"No. Every time I go to sleep **I**dream of frolicking in meadows." Snape responded sarcastically still reading intently

"Will I ever be normal again?" Hermione asked softly

"What makes you think I would know?" responded Snape in a snarky tone of voice

"I don't know…" she whispered to herself

_I can't let the conversation die…quick think of something to say_

"Are you coming back to teach?" Hermione asked

"I'm afraid I am." Mumbled Snape as he continued reading, deep in thought

"Will you be teaching Potions, Professor?"

"You're an adult, you may call me Severus." He said casually as he flipped a page or two and continued reading again

_What?! Wait, now I can call him Severus? Severus. Severus. Seeeeeverus. Severus is being an ass. I'm obsessed with Severus. I think I may be attracted to Severus…wait what?!! _

"Thank you sir" Hermione responded, still in a daze

"That means you don't have to call me sir" Severus said smirking slightly

"You didn't answer my question." Said Hermione

Severus exhaled in response as if trying to control himself from lashing at Hermione

"Yes, I'm going to be teaching Potions." He said finally

"Are there any books I need?" she inquired

"You'll get the list with everyone else"

A short pause accompanied this statement and Hermione blurted out thoughtlessly

"Are you involved with anyone Severus?"

After realizing what she said Hermione blushed furiously as Snape's head lifted itself from its bent position and turned towards her. His face expressionless he glared at her and she was too terrified to look away.

"And what makes you think that you have the right to know that?" he said in a low voice

"Seeing as I'm an adult and all…It's just small talk…you don't have to answer…"

After a moment or so of silence he spoke

"…no. I'm rather picky with women." He drawled "And you Miss Granger, who are you involved with?"

His eyes took on a predatory gleam as if waiting for her to embarrass herself further. Hermione kept eye contact and said coolly without hesitation

"No one of course and what is this 'Miss Granger' business, you can't say 'Hermione' like everyone else?"

"No one **Hermione**? I'm shocked. I was expecting a whole slew of suitors." He said sarcastically

"You're an ass." She responded

"And you're a know-it-all."

"It all comes back to that doesn't it?"

"Yes, now shut up so I can read my book."

Several hours passed in companionable silence as both read. When Lupin entered the library to state that dinner was served, Hermione got up to eat and Severus left the house.

It was several days later that Hermione realized that she was becoming obsessed with the Professor's eyes and hands…which she definitely wasn't comfortable with.

* * *

After a summer of anticipation it was finally September. All through the summer Harry dreaded being surrounded by groupies and Ron tried to convince his Mother to let him skip his last year. To Hermione on the other hand, who wanted school to come, the summer had seemed to drag on forever. So now their books were bought, homework done and their trunks packed; they were finally ready for their last year at Hogwarts.

As old friends were found again and dead friends remembered, Hermione was in her own world. Half way through the trip Neville, Luna, Ginny, Harry, Hermione, and Ron were all crammed into one compartment and fighting over who had **really** won exploding snap. Hermione was struggling to be a part of the proceedings but every time she got distracted her mind wandered to an occurrence several days ago.

Hermione had been all alone at the headquarters because of a bad cold. Hair mussed, clad in fluffy slippers and with a red runny nose Hermione was shuffling her way downstairs to the kitchen. In the hallway Snape and Dumbledore were deep in a heated discussion.

"-I can't do it. There is no way."

"You can do it and you will do it."

"You have no idea what I've been going through. I can't concentrate on anything, I can't sleep, I don't even remember the last time I ate a full meal-"

"This is idiotic Severus if you don't do this everyone will know about this-this **obsession** of yours! People have already begun to notice. You look far too much at her and never when she is aware of her surroundings. Molly is on you like a hawk! She hasn't been the same since the Last Battle you know that; it is selfish of you to even think in such terms. You will go back and you will work and you will get over this insane obsession."

"I've paid my debt to you and to your cause, you have nothing-"

"You said for life, not until the dept was paid. You will do this without complaint."

It was at this point that they had begun to move and Hermione retreated into a bedroom till they passed. Hermione couldn't trust what she heard. She had been running a fever throughout her sickness and it was entirely possible that she had either dreamed the whole scenario or she had warped what she heard.

They reached Hogwarts when the sky was dark and as Hermione sat in the carriage, she wondered how she would survive the year.

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I'm assuming if you've gotten this far you're actually interested in this story sooo thankyou! For those of you who know me-no I'm not dead and for those of you who don't Hello! I'm a review whore so the more reviews I get the faster I update....I'm not too great with grammar (if you have read my other story you know this...) so if you see any mistakes feel free to comment/rip me apart. I hope someone will enjoy this story as I do have some plans for it any feed back from you guys would help A LOT!!! If you have a story that you would like someone to critique and read, feel free to contact me and ask ,I know how it is....

WELL OKAY! This is the end of this chapter and I will start writing the next chapter as soon as I upload this...

much love

N


	2. Accidents

Chapter 2: Accidents

Harry was in hell. Surrounded by people who knew him as 'The Boy Who Conquered Evil' he was a circus freak. Slumping down he tried to make himself as small as possible. On the other side of Hermione was Ron who was proclaiming loudly that he was hungry. Between Ron screaming for food and Harry being the savior of the world, Hermione felt as if the entire Great Hall was staring at them. Thankfully the first years were ushered in and the room's attention shifted. After a long opening ceremony and a brief speech from Dumbledore, food was served.

During the meal Harry was only getting smaller and smaller. Ron however, was only getting louder and louder. He had proceeded to boast to all the first years about his triumphs against Death Eaters and such. Wide eyed and exuberant they were the perfect audience. It soon reached the point were Ron was jabbing a chicken leg through the air with spittle flying out of his mouth as he yelled. It might have been comic if Harry wasn't ready to throw himself off a cliff.

Hermione could hardly eat. All that was going through her head was that Snape was mere yards from her. And yet it was her job to play damage control. Hermione had tried subtly speaking to Ron, only for Ron to ignore her. Next had been the oh so subtle elbowing in the side, followed swiftly by stomping on his foot. Ron, refusing to take a hint, began proclaiming loudly that he had no idea what Hermione's problem was. Harry had turned a pale grey by this point. It was when Ron started yelling that HE had ALWAYS believed Harry Potter about the DARK LORD RISING that Hermione threw subtlety out the window. She reached around to Ron's side, pinched a piece of flesh then twisted, forcing his ear to bend down to her mouth as he doubled up in pain.

"Shut UP! You're making Harry crazy!" she hissed

"What?! I'm not doing any-"

"SHUT UP!"

"Fine! Geez, I already have one mother…"

The rest of the meal Ron kept the shouting to a minimal and Hermione was left to muse. It took so much self control not to look up at Snape, but she managed. It was only when Harry whispered in her ear a "Thank you" that Hermione even noticed that she had moved. They were halfway up the steps when Harry spoke to her. For no real reason Hermione turned around as if a force propelled her. At that same moment Snape had swirled through the Great Hall doors and glanced up at the stairs.

It felt like hours that glance. Hermione found herself wondering if Snape was part basilisk- she felt petrified by his stare. After an eternity Snape looked away and Hermione began to breathe again. The rest of the trip Harry stared at her peculiarly. Eventually they reached Gryffindor common room and the trio parted till the next day.

That night Hermione dreamed, but not of a bloody battlefield and lost souls. No, that night she dreamt of an empty room.

One wall of this room was covered with windows that touched the ceiling and reached the floor. This room was dark except for the light streaming through the windows. She stood in the middle of the room, facing the silhouette of a man. The man itself was darkness. Even though the light surrounded him he was not illuminated in any fashion. He cast no shadow. So they stood there, facing one another. He reached out his hand to her and…she woke up.

Early the next morning Hermione lies awake, wondering what it all meant. Why now had the dreams of being lost stopped…did she feel stable at Hogwarts? She wasn't quite sure what this was all about. And what were these emotions about Professor Snape? Was she displacing emotions about some other aspect of her life? Who the hell was she anymore?

Finally at five o'clock Hermione got up and ready for her first day. Most likely Harry and Ron would have different schedules from her since they were studying to be Aurors. Hermione sighed at this thought.

_Oh well maybe this year they'll do their homework…_

She took a long shower trying to cleanse her mind and her body. After she got all her books together, Hermione made her way to the library. She sat at her favorite table in the back next to the window. Here she went over the first chapters of all her text books so she would be prepared for that day's lessons. Hermione left Potions for last, hoping that she would run out of time so she wouldn't have to think about it. She turned the last page of her Charm's text with a sigh, knowing that she had more than enough time for her last textbook. It took her several minutes but Hermione finally emerged herself in her studies and soon found herself on chapter seven. Looking up at the clock Hermione realized that Harry and Ron would be expecting her at breakfast soon. Slinging her bag over her shoulder she made her way to the Great Hall.

During breakfast Hermione and Harry talked as Ron stuffed his face. Their schedules arrived halfway through their meal. Hermione had been placed in several different courses. While Ron and Harry had several off shoots of 'Defense against the Dark Arts' Hermione had a great deal of Potion subgroups. Much to the trio's delight they found they had some Charm and Transfiguration classes together. 'Poisons and Antidotes' along with 'Mending Spells' were also shared classes. Glancing at her schedule Hermione saw that she had double Potions at the end of the day.

The rest of the day was spent in denial. Hermione pretended to not have Potions that day so she could concentrate in her other classes. At the end of particularly interesting class regarding various skin afflictions, Hermione made her way down to the dungeons. With each step her nervousness increased. She kept going through her mind everything that could go wrong. She could volunteer and forget what she was saying. Snape could be lecturing and call on her only she wouldn't be paying attention. She could cause a potion to explode…the list went on and on.

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Hello amazing people who put up with me. I can not possibly express how sorry I am it took so long to update...there is no excuse good enough I know :( I have had this much written since the night I uploaded the first chapter. I have been sitting on this for months because I wanted to publish a longer chapter. I had writer's block... I am going to spend all day tomorrow working on chapter three so all the people who still want this story hang in there! Again I am so very sorry

much love,

N

p.s. reviews give me energy... ;)


	3. Normal'

All he knew was pain. No longer could he tell what was happening. Every ounce of life left in him was controlling his fear. He was strong. He would survive.

Snape was hanging from the ceiling by the shackles around his wrists. Dried blood and filth caked his body after three days of torture. Snape's throat was ravaged from his screams. Swinging slightly from the last whipping, Snape was sure his wrists would've hurt if he could've felt them. Every inch of his being was in torment. After two days without saliva his tongue appeared to have morphed with the roof of him mouth . It would not be long before Snape would reach the breaking point.

The sweat from his neck trickled down, leaving fire behind as they clung to open wounds. How could his body produce any liquid was beyond him, since a pool of his own blood had settled on the stone below him. He wondered whether or not the shrieking pain in his shoulders was caused by the nails Lestrange twisted into them or because they were disconnected from the weight of his hanging body.

The door hissed as it was pushed open. Snape could hear the uneven, shallow breaths peculiar to the Dark Lord alone. He walked slowly to where Snape hung. Voldmort's breath was hot against his throat. Snape could feel the hiss of the Dark Lord's voice before he heard it.

"Severus, tell me the truth. Better yet…scream it. Crucio."

His body was being torn, his spine was convulsing, it was breaking, his bones were snapping, there was no stop, there would be no end…

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" Snape screamed as he woke up.

Panting with murderous rage the realization that he was in bed took a second to register. As he sat up and scrubbed his face with his hands Severus could feel his back tingling from the memory. The bed was warm and soft. There was no Dark Lord any more. The world was safer. Snape laid down again. Slowly he convinced himself he was alone. That he was healthy and pain free. As he began to relax he closed his eyes and imagined a soft weight on his chest, the warmth of another human being, the sound of her breath. He could almost feel a face in his hands, soft hair tangled around his fingers. Before he could create details he pushed the fantasy away. It was better alone, no one to hurt, no one to be hurt by.

By the end of the day Severus was exhausted. He never got the full night of sleep he had been wishing for. It took him a few moments to realize why exactly he had been dreading this class in particular. He could feel her large brown eyes staring at him. Measuring his every move, weighing every gesture he made. Ignoring her these past months had been excruciating. It was the antithesis of what he wanted to do. Every inch of him screamed to stare at her. His eyes were so hungry, his mind so enthralled by her. Hermione was driving him insane. And no longer could he pretend she didn't exist.

She could feel herself shaking as she put her books on her desk. Any second he would come in. Any moment she could look at him without restraint. She shivered with dread. Hermione knew her face would betray all and he would know…

She tried to sit down as calmly as she could. She arranged her things and shifted awkwardly in her seat. Neville tried to strike up a conversation but Hermione was too frazzled to properly play along. After what seemed like a millennia, Snape swept into the classroom.

"I expect you all remember that I do not tolerate stupidity in my class. This year's course will break your spirit, haunt your mind and determine whether or not you have a gift for Potions. I suspect many of you will fail. I know all of you will regret your decision to take this course, especially under such a….strict guide. "

Hermione stared at him freely. If she could have eaten him with her eyes, she would have. Every detail of his face she mapped. Over and over again she ran her mind over his form. His presence was over whelming. Snape made her so nervous and yet she was giddy because she was in the same room as him. At one point he looked at her and Hermione felt all her organs twist in response. His face was expressionless, almost as if he was bored. Did he know about her obsession? Is that why he was avoiding her?

When class ended she grabbed her books and rushed out the door. Hermione didn't want to look at him. She didn't want to feel vulnerable. She didn't want to feel weak. It was apparent whatever happened on that battlefield had changed her. And it hadn't done anything to the cold potions professor.

Hermione felt like that night formed a connection between them. They had relied on each other; they had saved each other's lives. Why was she the only one affected by their bond? Torrents of anger rushed out of her. She was frustrated and emotional. Soon enough tears began to prick at her eyes. Hermione couldn't take it any more she turned around to go back. Before she took a step a hand grabbed her wrist and yanked her along.

"I don't know what to do!" Harry sobbed. He was in a ball on the prefect's bathroom's floor. His hands were in fists tearing his hair and he was shaking as he cried.

"Every night I dream of my parents dying. Then I watch my friends die. Then I'm the person killing everyone. I can't stop myself from killing my parents. It's all I can do. Every night it's like that. I wake up screaming. I have scratches all over me from trying to stop myself, trying to wake myself up."

Hermione didn't say anything. She knew all Harry wanted was her to be there. If he wanted her to talk, he would let her know. She felt so guilty. Harry had been bottling up his emotions, suffering in silence. Hermione had been so preoccupied she hadn't noticed how distraught he really was.

"…and everywhere I turn people are staring at me. I let their parents die, I let their brothers and sisters die. And every night I see their faces right before I cackle 'Avada Kedavra'. I can never escape it. I will always be a thing to star at, someone to blame. I'm so sorry. That's all I can say when I talk to people 'I'm sorry'. This little first year came up to me today and she told me I was her hero. Then she told me about how her mother died because of Voldemort. And I began to cry. I was crying because I knew I would dream of killing that girl's mother tonight. I was crying for myself, not her. And this kid starts crying too and she tells me I'm the greatest thing that happened to the world. As she's walking away, I can't help but feel like I'm the worst thing that happened to this world. I'm this selfish asshole. I'm the reason all this dying happened. I wasn't fast enough, I wasn't smart enough. Do you understand what I'm saying Hermione?"

"I know how you're feeling. You aren't all that Harry, the world doesn't revolve around your big head. You're not responsible for every person's death in the history of the universe" Hermione said dryly

Harry chuckled weakly in response. "But you know what I'm saying?"

Hermione sighed softly as she lowered herself slowly onto the floor next to Harry. "Don't be so hard on yourself. All you can do is live your life."

"Yeah? Because you're not hard on yourself? I see the way you've been since the battle. You're quiet and pale. You don't eat and you don't laugh." Harry said as he looked intently into Hermione's eyes. "You can always talk to me, I'm here for you."

"It doesn't have to do with the battle. I just…don't know what to do with this part of my life…"

"I don't believe you. I don't think that's all of it. You don't have to tell me, just know that you can." he said softly.

"I know. I'm here for you. Why don't we catch up with Ron and get some food at dinner?"

"That sounds like a good idea." Harry picked himself off the floor and looked in the mirror. "Maybe one day our lives will be normal. To think, your life could've been if you weren't my best friend."

"Never will I regret our friendship." Hermione glanced at herself in the mirror. "How am I more blotchy than you? That just isn't fair. You were crying longer than I was."

Harry shrugged his shoulders. "Probably the same reason you turn bright red when you are embarrassed."

"Don't remind me…" Hermione mumbled.

Harry laughed as they walked to the Great Hall. "You turn bright red, like a stop sign."

"Thaaanks for that Harry. That's going to make me feel even more self conscious when I'm embarrassed."

"That's what friends are for." Harry said happily.

Hermione couldn't help but grin. Maybe everything would be alright. For the rest of dinner Hermione felt like herself again. She laughed at Ron's antics like she used to, she found herself lecturing the boys on during their homework. She even found herself itching to read her textbooks. It felt like she had been teleported back to her childhood. Hermione was in the middle of her pumpkin pie when she felt someone looking at her. She glanced up and saw Professor Snape's black eyes watching her. Her stomach felt like she just jumped off a cliff.

Things would never be 'normal'. Not when she was obsessed with her Potions Professor.

For a moment he thought she was just as affected as he was. Snape swore that when he looked at her during class, she shivered. Now during dinner she looked completely content. He could distinguish her laugh from the rest of the noise in the Great Hall. Granger caught him watching her. The second their eyes met Snape felt like he was in a different dimension. He couldn't pull away from that gaze. That moment lasted a lifetime and ended only when she turned away.

What was going on? Who the hell was he any more? What was he doing? He was obsessed with a student. It was wrong in so many ways.


End file.
